Fear’s Greatest Trick

Fear is a monster with a sweet, comforting voice. It tells you everything is fine, just the way it is. It convinces you that opportunity, despite how much you wished for it in the past, should be declined because deep down, you don’t want it anymore.

Fear is a liar and a thief. Its greatest trick is convincing you that you’re happy with less than best.

You wanted that big break, or even just a little one, to help you live a more purposeful and fulfilling life. You dreamt of the chance to write a book, give a speech or appear on television. You wished that life could be different in some way, so you worked hard to move in the right direction. But then the right moments came and you took a step back to let opportunity pass you by and move on to the next willing participant.

Secretly, fear says, “You can’t. You don’t know how. You aren’t good enough. You don’t deserve this. You will fail.” Then, as you try to explain your hidden hesitation, fear helps you retell the story with, “I don’t want it. I don’t need it. I’m happier this way.” So you stop, you stay the same and you settle.

Fear’s lie might feel good, but it’s still a rotten lie.

It’s important that you never forget what it is you want, where you’re trying to go and why it really matters. Because that sweet, compassionate and comforting voice of fear will always be there, waiting to intercept you in the final stretch.

The truth is that you DO want the upgrade this opportunity will provide; you’ve only just forgotten all the reasons why. You lost sight of the bigger picture and now fear […]

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The Secure Attachment Style

So far in this series, we have covered an Introduction to Attachment Styles, The Preoccupied Attachment Style, The Dismissive Attachment Style, and The Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style. This article is focused on the fourth and final attachment pattern, which is the secure style. I would recommend you go through the other articles so that you can have a better understanding of which category you best fit into, and therefore can identify areas that you can work on/be more aware of. Additionally, it is important to mention that these categories fall on a continuum, so at times we may feel that we could fit into all four. We do in fact have the ability to react in all of these ways in different situations, but there is often one style that we default to more commonly than the others, that would be our dominant attachment style.

As a brief refresher, attachment refers to the unique bond that is formed in infancy with a primary caregiver. This attachment has been found to impact how we attach to others in our adult years, especially in our romantic relationships. When we look to understand and categorize adult attachment styles, two important things are taken into consideration: how we perceive and feel about our selves, and how we perceive and feel about other people. When we combine our thoughts towards ourselves with our thoughts toward others, we end up with four different attachment styles as categorized by Kim Bartholomew (Bartholomew, 1991). To give you a visual and a better understanding, a table has been included below:
 
The secure attachment style is categorized by a positive view of self and a positive view of others. These individuals are described as having a sense of confidence, a […]

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